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About Me Member Antagonist Sierra-SatanaFemale/Lithuania Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
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Diagnose and Pills of Happyness

Wed Oct 21, 2009, 1:44 PM
  • Watching: some TV
So I feel I must explain the changes in my life for the past year, because this lifetime was totally the most nonproductive episode since I started making photos.

Last winter, after exam session at university, it all started with missing lessons, loosing interest in meeting friends and total misantrophism. Soon it progressed to apathy, passive selfdestruction and oversleeping every day. This initiated my credits at university after spring session and my self gnawling plus parents nerves. I planned to spend summer at my parents residence, but I realised this would be impossible to spent whole summer with them, so I came back to Vilnius and closed to my flat. Yeah, closed, literally bariccaded from the whole world, slept all days, watched TV, glanced at PC with emptiness in the eyes an no ideas in the head, just like rotting inside. Actually the days came it was too hard for me to go to shop and buy some food, sometimes too hard even sitting and watching Tv to go to toilet and pee. When I came to university in september, some panic attacks crashed my head and finally I realised I don't want to live anymore. Yeah, suicide. Thinking about suicide and no desire to live anymore. I felt like a rubber doll with apoplexed head with no emotions, no interests, no even anger nor apetite or thoughts, nothing. So one day parents realised I'm not going to pass the credits and continue studies so they organised a serious conversation. In that conversation I lost out and told my mom I don't want to live anymore. The next day they called a psychiatrist psichoterapeut and booked a session for me. I was said that I must go or they will use force. So it's almost 2 months I'm visiting my psychiatrist and my diagnosis is Clinical Depression, not in the easiest decade. It's a week I'm using SSRI antidepressants and still waiting for better times and brighter thoughts. Wish me good luck.

P.S. I wanted just to say that depression is not the thing that could inspire, it's nothing like autumn melancholy or agressive destruction madness. For me it's not like living, it's like vegetable excistence with no inspiration with any thoughts, not good or bad or even agressive, totally nothing.

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Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Vilnius
  • Favourite band or musician: tooooo much from BM to Hardstyle
  • Favourite genre of music: Black Metal in the past, now: Power Noise, Hardcore Techno, some EBM, Doom metal, Grind metal
  • Favourite photographer: myself
  • Tools of the Trade: film, cuz quality is more important than quantity!

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Comments


:icontunguska218:
Haha, I think that would be no problem. ;)
The link to our profiles:

Personal profile: [link]
Band profile: [link]

(samples coming soon...)

Regards from Germany,

M.

--
„Wer selbst ein Ganzes ist, will nicht als Glied sich fügen..“ - Arthur Schopenhauer
:icontunguska218:
Haha, I think that would be no problem. ;)
The link to our profiles:

Personal profile: [link]
Band profile: [link]

(samples coming soon...)

Regards from Germany,

M.

--
„Wer selbst ein Ganzes ist, will nicht als Glied sich fügen..“ - Arthur Schopenhauer
:icontunguska218:
Hey, that sounds good. You would get a free copy of our album if we would use some of your pics. (If we will use it). Are there higher resolutions availabel? Regards, M.

--
„Wer selbst ein Ganzes ist, will nicht als Glied sich fügen..“ - Arthur Schopenhauer
:icontunguska218:
I love your pics. Some of them would fit perfect for our upcoming CD release... pure negative art...

--
„Wer selbst ein Ganzes ist, will nicht als Glied sich fügen..“ - Arthur Schopenhauer
:icontunguska218:
;)

--
„Wer selbst ein Ganzes ist, will nicht als Glied sich fügen..“ - Arthur Schopenhauer
:iconangelsodyssey:
Your gallery is truly fantastic!
:iconpulcherie:
such a brilliant gallery!!!

:omfg::omfg::omfg:

--
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:iconvanesssamae:
grazu cia pas jumi

--
Six Different Ways inside my Heart
:iconaustejune:
Labai. Visi pastebėjimai ir jų gaudymas. Taikliai tamst(:
Tikrai labai.
:iconlaimut:
Superines nuotraukos!

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